Sunday, November 06, 2005

the ballcap's my bling

i have to address a trend of performers wearing baseball caps on stage. my fear is that paul simon may be the culprit here. now i understand that not everyone can rock the yule brenner chrome dome like yours truly, so i can appreciate paul feeling the need to cover his balding pate. but paul, do you realize how silly you look? you're paul freaking simon! if you keep rolling out with the ballcap people will mistake you for jimmy buffet (please keep your shoes on). i think there needs to be an intervention of rock star proportion. the edge, michael stipe, and kenna (i know, i know, no one knows kenna but he is brave enough to rock with a bald head) need to sit paul down, remind him of who he is and that there are options for bald rockers. the edge can suggest having a knit cap attached to simon's head with an industrial solvent or staples, the knit cap also serves as a billboard for political statements or to simply state the name of your current single (vertigo toque anyone?). ben kenney of the roots and incubus fame could recommend a plethora of cabbie hats, pageboys, or hand knit hemp lids. Or for a change of pace stipe and kenna could convince simon to go gillette and sport the kojack.

the need for the intervention could not be more clear last night when i saw another performer (whattup thom!) step onto the stage with a ballcap. the problem here was that this was not an aging used-to-be trying to hide a receeding hairline, this was a frontman with a full head of hair. therein lies the pitfall to simon's reckless use of his rock influence, the future rock stars of america are committing fashion faux pas. seriously, if you start a set with that baseball hat, you know it's coming off in 2-3 songs when you start playing. that leads to the worst atrocity of all, you on stage in front of your legion of fans with hat hair. nothing worse than that and i can't help but think that all of this could be prevented. if only we could get through to paul simon...


At 12:39 PM, Blogger BethInPortland said...

So true.


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